“There are no strangers here; only friends you haven’t yet met.” – William Butler Yeats
The holidays are upon us—a season filled with joy, gatherings, and sometimes awkward small talk. We’ve all experienced it: exchanging polite, surface-level pleasantries that leave us feeling just as disconnected as before. “How’s work?” “Fine.” “How’s the family?” “Good.” Cue the silence.
Let’s be honest—while these exchanges may be easy, they miss the opportunity for something more profound. Regardless of the holiday you celebrate, this time of year is the perfect moment to strengthen bonds, spark meaningful connections, and truly engage with those around you.
The reality is that many people are hurting in silence. Others might be thriving but hesitate to share their successes, fearing they’ll appear boastful. Some of us are just going through the motions, unsure how to break through the noise of superficial conversation. What if this year, instead of the usual chit-chat, we dug a little deeper?
Conversations have the power to heal, inspire, and connect us in ways that last well beyond the holidays. They allow us to celebrate the highs and share the weight of the lows. When we approach conversations with curiosity and care, they can foster a sense of belonging that everyone at the table craves.
I’m known for asking my nieces and nephews about college. I dive straight into their world with questions like:
- “What’s the drama on campus?”
- “Any roommate issues?”
- “How have you grown this semester?”
- “Have you made any new friends?”
Of course, I can’t forget to ask about dating. It’s become my little ritual, and honestly, I love it. From their engagement, I believe they enjoy it, too. More than anything, I want them to know: I see you.
Too often, our younger family members feel invisible. They’re navigating some of the most transformative years of their lives; sometimes, they need someone to show genuine interest.
But I don’t stop there. I engage similarly with the elders in my family, as they can also feel overlooked. Without being preachy, I’ll share herbal remedies for their health concerns and ask them about their mental states, loneliness, or even what shows they’ve been binge-watching. These conversations aren’t just about gathering information—they’re about creating a space where they feel valued, heard, and appreciated.
So, how do we move beyond small talk? It starts with asking better questions that invite honesty, reflection, and a bit of vulnerability. Here are a few conversation starters to help foster deeper connections:
- What’s been your biggest win this year?
This question allows others to share their joys and achievements, giving them permission to feel proud. Celebrating each other builds positivity and connection. - What’s been your biggest challenge this year?
By asking this, you open the door for people to share their struggles safely and non-judgmentally. Sometimes, all someone needs is a listening ear. - What’s something you need help with right now?
Help can strengthen relationships and show that you’re invested in their well-being. Who knows? Maybe you have the perfect advice, resource, or shoulder to lean on.
These questions can transform your holiday gatherings, turning small talk into real talk. They demonstrate that you care, are curious, and value the people in your life.
As we approach this season of celebration, let’s strive to make our conversations meaningful. Let’s lift each other, listen with intention, and create spaces where everyone feels seen and valued. Connection isn’t just about what we say but how we make people think.
So, who’s ready to go beyond “fine” and “good” this year? Start the conversation. You might just be surprised at how much closer it brings you.